I’ve never really intended for this site to be a personal blog in any shape; aside from giving my opinions on various films, this space has pretty much remained free of anything about my life, my mental health or anything really outside of the big screen. That said, the last time I wrote anything for this blog was back in November last year, and I feel compelled to lay out why.
When I started The Depressed Moviegoer, I was in a pretty bad place mentally. I was exhausted from daily commutes from the sticks out to London for my day job, I was almost always out of pocket trying to support said commute and also maintain what would end up being an unsustainably long-distance relationship, and seeing all of my friends make successful adult lives for themselves while I was still unsure of what I wanted to do with myself was causing me to be down on myself almost daily.
Creating this site became a fun escape for me, where I would talk about films I’d seen without any expectation of readers or any ambition of success. Films made sense: I’d never call myself an expert or even remotely knowledgable about the vast majority of cinema (I still wouldn’t and don’t), but I love the cinema, so much so that even working in a multiplex on-and-off for four years didn’t dent my enthusiasm.
Since the first article went up in 2018, I’ve taken so much joy in writing for this pokey little thing. For some reason, people started to read what I’d published and at the beginning of 2019, I answered a call on Twitter for writers to review for a proper site! For money!
2019 was a weird year: on a personal level it had some fantastic highs and some crushing lows, and in terms of writing about films I felt like I was really starting to get into my groove. I’ve been so lucky to write for a number of outlets, including reviews and an interview from the London Film Festival (ahh!) for Zavvi (ahhh!).
Very recently though, the draft folder for this site has built up and the well for article ideas for others has run close to dry. As much as I’ve tried to deny it, it’s been so hard to keep the fire going to write more, especially when it’s on top of a full-time job and a growing social life thanks to a happy, fulfilling new relationship.
In short, I feel like I had burnt out.
I still love films, and being able to talk about them gives me no greater joy. For the last month or so though, I’ve considered it a privilege to go and see a new release without feeling the need to get ~500 words down every time. This isn’t to say I’m not going to write again, in fact I’m going to be contributing towards a piece for the great and infinitely more consistent Film For Thought soon, and there are so many great sites for whom I’ve written over the last 12 months who I really hope will accept an article from me soon.
For now though, I need to find my mojo again. I’m not giving up The Depressed Moviegoer and I doubt I ever will, but I also need to make sure I’m doing this for the reasons I chose to in the first place. Therefore I’m going to be changing up how I write, and focussing a bit less on getting to the newest release as quickly as possible. There’ll still be bits about new films as and when I choose to discuss them, but I want to enjoy this blog again. Who knows, I might even make videos or podcasts (I almost definitely won’t).
I’m forever grateful to everyone who has taken the time to read something I’ve written, whether on here or for someone else, to keep them occupied if only for a moment. I really hope I can do the same for you again soon.